The journey of my home birth.

Before I got pregnant with Hudson I knew I had wanted to do a home birth.
My sister in law, who has had her children at home, let me experience her second birth at home. This was when I was still pregnant with Noah. Before, I had been kind of "iffy" about the whole home birth thing. I knew little about it, other than I knew my SIL had her babies at home and that was her thing. Her mom, Elizabeth Smith was actually a midwife so that was all she knew, and I knew nothing about. It wasn't until after getting to witness and personalize her home birth that I was really taken back by all of it. I loved everything, it was so intimate and so special. She had just had her baby at home. She was in her own comfort in her own refuge, and I really loved that idea about it. The whole thing was so neat to me and it really turned me on to the idea.

Knowing that I was pregnant with my first and I didn't really know what to expect from the hospital, or birthing a baby at all for that matter. I decided to keep to the hospital route and stay with my doctor, who I loved and who I knew. After having Noah at the hospital, and now experiencing my SIL's home birth I could kind of compare the two, the pros and the cons of both. Everything went well with Noah's birth everyone was great, but afterwards I knew I wanted something more. I didn't feel special, I didn't feel like I had just conquered an amazing thing. I felt like I was one in a 100 other woman giving birth that day, I was hurried, and I was rushed. I wasn't able to cherish the moment in the way that I had wanted to or expected to. The hospital has their way of doing things and when you request something different, they have a way that makes you feel like you're being a hassle, or holding them back from doing their job. Now, I'm not saying the hospital isn't a great place, I know they are, but personally for me I just wanted something different and more intimate. Something the hospital couldn't provide, and that's when I decided I was going to do a home birth, and that I was going to research more about it.

I told myself, when I get pregnant again I want a midwife. I was all for it.
Well, the time came, and I was pregnant. I was a few weeks into my pregnancy when I had realized it wasn't that easy to make the decision and actually go through with it. Everyone kept asking me, "what are you going to do?" and I didn't know. I didn't know, because now that I had to really face the reality of the decision, it scared me. I started second guessing everything I had already known and studied about midwifery, since being pregnant with Noah. I started to have doubts and I didn't like that. I decided I would pray about it and hopefully God would give me the answer. I started praying and praying. I was thinking, or hoping that I would get a clear answer. You know like a yes, or no. But it wasn't coming in the way I had thought. Time kept getting closer and I remember my SIL telling me, I could just go see her mom and ask her my questions and see how I felt about it without making a decision. I figured that was easy enough.

I made the apt to meet with Liz. The time came and I drove to her house. I remember telling her my concerns, and telling her that I really didn't know what I should do. She started to talk to me more about it and addressed all of my questions. The more we talked, I realized Liz is very a spiritual person. I already knew this, but I didn't know her from a business stand point. When we were talking she was so in-tune with spirit, that I remember getting an immediate sensation all over my body, and I started to choke up. I knew this feeling, and I was very familiar with this feeling. This feeling was the spirit. It was so strong I couldn't help but cry, because I knew right then, that this was the answer I had been waiting for. This was an answer to my prayers. It didn't come in a yes, or a no. It came in a beautiful feeling, that I recognized. I was so grateful. Right then I told her that I wanted to go forward with the home birth and I wanted her as my midwife. In that moment I knew I could trust her and that she was perfect for me.

Through the rest of my pregnancy a doubt never crossed my mind. I never once was scared, I was excited. I knew that everything was going to be ok, and I knew that I could do this. Once a month I met at the library for birthing classes. That helped me a lot. It was really encouraging to meet with a group of other expecting mothers and share stories, and concerns. It was just what I needed for that extra encouragement, to know that if all these woman can do it, than I can do it too!
I loved all of my visits with Liz. I never once had to wait on her. I could call her with any questions I had. Liz was there for my 24/7 and I loved knowing that. I also loved that she asked me what I wanted to experience, and what I expected from my home birth, because she was going to provide that for me and make it happen. It was all about me.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I had a feeling Hudson was going to come early. Liz would check me and I would compare my progress with when I was pregnant with Noah. I had it figured out and I was sure He was going to come a week early according to my dilation and measurements.

Well April 12th came, a week away from my due date. It was the evening and my parents had come over so my father and Beau could give me a blessing. This was the evening Beau and I were going to try everything we could, in the bedroom, to hopefully help start my labor ;). The blessing was over and we were all just sitting on my couch chatting when I got a call from Liz. Liz's daughter in law was in labor up North and she was going to go assist, and she was calling me to ask how I was doing, and how I felt about her leaving for the weekend. She reassured me that if I did happen to go into labor she could be back in time. I was really bummed because I knew if Liz was going out of town there was no way I was going to try and put myself into labor. I thought ok, maybe this baby is going to have to come on time then. I told Liz, "Do what you need to do. I'm not having this baby without you, so I won't try anything until you get back." I got off the phone and told my parents and Beau we won't be having a baby tonight. Afterwards, about an hour had passed, It was about 930, 10 when Liz called me back. She called me to tell me she couldn't leave her house. She said she was packed and ready to go but she just couldn't leave, she didn't feel right about it. She told me to call her if anything happens. I got off the phone very excited and said yes we CAN have a baby tonight.

After my parents had left for the evening I told Beau, "Lets try to have a baby." We went into the bedroom, did some things, ;) and went to bed. I didn't feel any different going to bed. I honestly didn't think we would be having a baby anytime soon either. All of my braxton hicks that I had been having the weeks earlier making me think I was close, had stopped and left me disappointed. We went to bed around 11pm.
Through out the night I kind of started getting cramps, but it wasn't anything I couldn't sleep through. I just figured these were my braxton hicks giving me false hope. The night went on and about 3am they were painful enough to where I couldn't sleep and I would wake Beau up to rub my back until they would go away. 430am I decided to get in the bath. I knew that it was close, but I just didn't know how close. I decided to text my sister Michelle, who was in SLC and tell her she needed to book a flight for that morning if she wanted to come down, because I was pretty sure I'm in labor. We text for a bit and she decided to book the flight. She told me she'd be there at 11am and to let me know if anything happens before then.
At about 5am, my contractions were about 10 minutes apart so I tried calling my other sister Errin, and it went straight to voicemail. I panicked, I thought oh great she's going to miss it. I then started to text my mom and midwife. I told my midwife that I was having contractions and just waiting for my water to break. I told her once my water breaks I will call you to come. My water broke at home with Noah, so I thought the same thing would happen this time around.
I finally got a hold of my sister and told her to get here right away, mean while I made Beau get out of bed and into the shower to help wake him up a bit. At this point the contractions were painful enough to where I couldn't do anything during a contraction anymore. My mom called me and said you should call your midwife. I kept thinking, well my water hasn't broke so I'll be ok for a while. But right then a contraction hit and I thought ok, maybe I better call her. It was about 6am when I called Liz and told her I definitely was in labor, and had been having contractions. I told her she didn't have to rush but to come when she can. I didn't want her to have to come out right away if I was going to be in labor for a while. She told me she would get ready and come out, and if she needed to, she could just sleep on my couch if nothing happens right away. My sister had gotten there, thank goodness. She started to get the crock pot ready with towels (Homemade epidural) while Beau was rubbing my back. 7am came and my parents and Liz showed up at the same time. At this point my contractions were only a couple of minutes apart. Liz checked me and I was only at a 3. Not what I had wanted to hear. She said that didn't mean anything and to not let that discourage me. I decided to get back in the bath to help with the pain. My mom poured hot water over my belly and beau rubbed my back. It felt good for a little bit, but I couldn't stay in there long, I felt like the heat was making me nausea and I needed to get into a pushing position. We moved into my bedroom. I laid on the floor at the foot of my bed where Liz had everything set up and ready to go. I kept telling her I felt like I needed to push, She checked me again and I was at an 8. She told me I could push during contractions if I'd like, so that's what I did. Everything hurt. She asked me if I wanted to try to move into another position but the pain was too intense I didn't want to move. The only relief I would get is in between contractions and that would only last about a minute.
Beau and my mom were at my sides rubbing my back, while my sister was switching out my hot towels for my stomach. Every time she'd change out my hot towels I remember yelling and telling her to hurry and put a knew one back on. I felt like I wasn't in control of my body and I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know if I was pushing the right way or what to do. My body was so over taken by this pain I just felt like surrendering but I couldn't. I remember my midwife saying, "You are almost there." and me yelling back at her, "Don't tell me that if you don't mean it." I couldn't think I was close, if I really wasn't. I didn't know how much longer I could take. At this point my water STILL had not broke. My midwife kept asking me if I wanted her to break it. I was so overwhelmed with pain I didn't want to do anything. I remember saying, (probably yelling) I want this baby out, and Beau telling me, then let her break your water. I finally had enough, so I told her to go ahead and break it. She broke my water, and it was the craziest feeling ever. I remember feeling relieved for a split second, but only to get more intense contractions afterwards. I kept pushing and that's when I felt Hudson move down. I can't even explain this feeling. It was so painful and so neat at the same time. I could feel everything my body was doing and knew exactly what was happening. I yelled a few choice words and then liz said, "Ok your baby is coming." Liz told Beau to come get ready to catch Hudson. I freaked out and said he can't move. I need him by my side. Luckily her assistant had been there which I hadn't even noticed. Her assistant Janet came and held my hand so Beau could help Liz catch the baby. While all this was happening Noah had decided to finally wake up and came into the room. He didn't know what to think about what was going on. Liz told me to calmly talk to Noah and tell him I was ok, and to let him know what was happening. I tried my best to reassure him I was fine, and that everyone was excited we were finally going to get to meet baby Hudson. Luckily my dad was there face timing Michelle who was waiting at the airport to catch her flight. He took Noah to comfort him and put him on the bed so Noah could watch. With a few more pushes I felt his head. It was so painful and I remember thinking there was no way I could push that thing out. Everyone kept encouraging me, telling me they could see his head and to keep pushing. With one more good push I pushed his head out, this was the most relief I had felt up until now. I felt like the hard part was over and I could do the rest. Janet told me, "reach down and feel your baby", but I couldn't. I still couldn't move I was in too much pain. I just wanted this baby out. I told her I couldn't, and that I wanted to keep pushing. I pushed one more time and the rest of his body came out. Beau caught our new little baby and handed him to me. I was done, he was here, I could breath again. It was so shocking and I couldn't believe at all what had just happened. Everything seemed so surreal. All that hard work and then there was my reward. My precious little baby. We just laid there and bonded. Hudson was so calm, he was so content laying on my chest. He tried opening up his little eyes so he could finally meet me. I loved that no one was there to take him away. We were home, he was mine and he was perfect. I remember Liz saying, "K, can you push your placenta out?" And thinking are you freaking kidding me? I laid there for a little longer and with my next contraction it came out. It wasn't bad at all, I mean I had just pushed out an 8lb baby. Everything went so smooth and so fast.

When I was ready, my sister and Janet took Hudson to go clean him up, weigh him, and dress him. I made my way up into my bed where my little family was waiting for me. They handed me Hudson and I relished the moment. My brand new perfect baby, Beau, Noah, and I just laying in bed, while everyone just admired. It was the perfect moment. I was over come with emotions and couldn't help but cry the happiest tears. I was so blessed. Everyone who was closest to me, was there to cherish this moment as well. No strangers, just my loved ones. It was perfect, and I was so happy.

Hudson Robin Flowers was born April 13th, he weighed 8.3lbs, was 20" long and was born at 8:26am. Liz said it was a blessing she was prompted to not leave town, because there was no way she could have made it back in time for my birth. my labor was really fast, and I was so happy how everything went.
It definitely was painful and there's nothing anyone can really do to help prepare you for it, but I was so happy that I decided to do a home birth. If I could do it, anyone can do it. It was so intimate and my favorite part was how involved Beau was with the whole birth, and catching Hudson. He was my coach and my comfort. I could not have done it with out him, or any of my family. They all played a role in my delivery. It was such a special moment for my family, a moment I will cherish forever.